If Only
by BoySexWriter
Summary: Slash, Stanley and Zero making love for the first time.


Roses are red, violets are blue - me no own, so you no sue.

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If Only

Stanley's POV

_I wonder if he knows I've been watching him _

_And I wonder if he knows I can feel him _

_And I wonder in my dreams and when I'm sleeping and I'm keeping him close to me....._

He is so beautiful. I never thought such perfection could exist. I guess I was wrong. As I look at him now, asleep in his sleeping bag next to me, I know there is a God. He's just fallen asleep, and he's breathing softly, it sounds lovely. I think it's his shoulder that is getting to me the most. He is lying on his side, his right hand is up by his face. He bites his nails. I never thought bitten nails could make me feel so.... amourous, shall we say. And his left hand..... it's somewhere in that sleeping bag, and his shoulder is exposed. His skin's beautiful, it's kind of glowing and it's the most gorgeous mahogany colour. The light is sort of reflecting off his shoulder and it's moving slightly every time he breaths. His wild hair is sticking out in all directions, I'm having to force myself not to touch it run my fingers through it kiss his face and..... it's all I want. I want him. A few corkscrews are falling over his forehead, and everytime he breaths out, they move. It reminds me of back in those days in the onion field, when that petal was on his nose. That was when I realised I was in love with my best friend. Half his face is not visible because it's crushed into the pillow beneath him. His lips are parted slightly and I can see the glimmer of his tongue in between them. I should stop looking at him. I move my knees up and hug them to my chest, digging my nails into the skin on my shins. But I carry on looking at his face. His nose is small and cute as a button, and his cheeks are slightly flushed because it's hot in here. I reach out and stroke the part I love just below his ear with one finger. I love his ears too, they're sweet. And I'm crazy. Crazy about him. He moves in his sleep and sighs, and his tongue darts out and licks his lips. Fuck. His eyes are still closed, though. I wish they were open. I love his eyes, they're so dark, sometimes I feel as if I am drowning, drowning in his eyes. In some ways, it's better when they're closed. His eyes look like they are moving under his eyelids. He is dreaming. I wonder if he is dreaming about me..... It feels so right to be here with him. So what if we're both guys?? It's right. It feels so right. I feel as if he is mine, although he has no idea how I feel about him. I wish he was mine. It would be the most perfect thing in the world.

_I'm thinking he's the thunder I'm the lightning _

_I'm thinking maybe we can come together _

_And I'm thinking we can bring the rain with a lovely breeze with such harmony....._

I couldn't help falling for him. When he looked at me with those dark, sad eyes, and said "I can't read." it got me thinking. And I tried to stop, I really did. For about an hour. And then I realised how right it felt. So I just let it happen. Being in love with Hector Zeroni is what I'm meant to be. It's such a perfect feeling, I can't imagine him not feeling the same way. Usually in this situation people are down and dreary becuase the object of their affections doesn't feel the same. I don't feel that way at all. Do you feel the same, Hector?? I sigh and lean my cheek on my knee. I feel for him more than ever now. It's the middle of the night and my heart feels as if it is singing, my legs are jelly and I'm.... hard. Really hard. From just looking at him. I said I'm crazy. But I can't help it. I don't care anymore. I don't care about anything else. All I care about is Hector Zeroni, asleep next to me. It's perfect. It's meant to be.

_Train on a track like spokes inside a wheel _

_Involuntary motion like rolling downhill _

_And there's no way to stop it _

_It's a natural thing like sunrise and dusk _

_Snowflakes, waterfalls, same thing with us _

_And there's no way to stop it once you fall in love..._

He turns over in his sleep and make the most exquisite breathless groaning sound. Like everyone does in their sleep. I'm wondering would he make that sound if.... want to find out, oh God the sleeping bag is.... he's kicking it downwards, it's too hot in here.... fucking hell I thought he was wearing boxers to bed, oh God oh God. I close my eyes and press my forehead against my knees, I'm sweating quite a lot and I hadn't realised.....

"Stanley??"

I thought it might feels strange, kissing him for the first time. Not strange in a bad way. Just strange. Because I've dreamed about it so much. But it didn't feel strange at all. Because this is what my lips were designed for. For kissing Hector Zeroni.

"Stanley, I--"

Oh God he's got hold of my hand and he's moving it, on him , all over him....

"Stanley, I wanted this -- for so long...."

"Shhh...."

He's kicking the sleeping bag away and pulling my pyjama shirt off in a hell of a hurry.

"God, look at you." I breathe. "You're perfect."

"So are you." he says. "I knew you would be."

"Do you want to -- I mean, shall I --" he stutters adorably.

"It really doesn't matter what you do." I tell him. "Just let me love you."

And so.......... he did........

Hector's POV

_I'm glowing and overflow of happy laughter _

_I'm growing closer to you more than ever _

_I'm blowing daffodils and kisses and roses gently touching noses....._

Could anything be more perfect?? I'm so happy I feel like I could die of it. Can you die of happiness?? If you could, I think I would have been dead as soon as his hands started to touch me..... as soon as I grabbed his hands and made him touch me, I just wanted his hands on me all over me..... he said what I'd wanted to hear since he came to Camp Green Lake. He said " I love you." I said it too, over and over as I came, I shuddered in pleasure and moaned, "I love you Stanley, love you so much , love you so much, love you so much!!" He's asleep now. We're lying naked on top of my unzipped sleeping bag with his over the top of us. We're both lying on our sides, my arms are hooked around his neck and his are around my tummy, we're holding eachother the way I've dreamed about since I can't even remember. Our bodies are pressed together and it's so warm and perfect. Everything is perfect. I'm not in control anymore, my heart belongs to him. My body belongs to him. I belong to him.

_I'm sailing without a destination sailing explore uncharted places _

_I'm exhaling no more lonely seasons I'm underwater breathing _

_Drowning in the sea of love..._

__The world is perfect. I can't imagine ever being miserable again. He's mine, and I'm his. He's smiling in his sleep, his hair's all disheveled and his face is flushed. One of my legs is kind of slung over his. One of his hands is on my hip. I feel like my life is complete. I love him so much. He's so.... I don't know. I can't express the intensity of what I'm feeling. Love isn't a strong enough word.

He moves in my arms and his eyes open, and he smiles at me, the most amazing smile. I think I'm smiling too. His eyes cloud over.

"You're beautiful like this...." I say.

"I feel light...." he whispers.

"I know." I say. "It's like something heavy has drifted away....."

"I love you."

_Saw dark clouds blow chased by rainbows _

_Saw two roses bloom like me and you _

_Caught up in the magic I can't pretend _

_It's obvious love's in the air again _

_I love you, love you, love you, love you, love you...... _

_Train on a track like spokes inside a wheel _

_Involutary motion like rolling downhill _

_And there's no way to stop it _

_It's a natural thing l__ike sunrise and dusk _

_Snowflakes, waterfalls, same thing with us _

_And there's no way to stop it once you fall in love......._

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